Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
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