I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
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he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
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I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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