If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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