ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
