I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
