i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
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Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
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HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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