Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Randomize