I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
