i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
