angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
PANTIES FOUND
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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