Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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