im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
