we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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