I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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