Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
