Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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