just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
