I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
