He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize