I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
