That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
