someone get that fucking seahorse.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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