Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
