We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
You are a genius and a whore.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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