Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
