I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
