We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
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Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
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Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
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