I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Randomize
