the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
