Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Randomize
