Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
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