All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
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i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
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Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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