One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Randomize
