i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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