Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Randomize
