Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
