I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
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I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
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In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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