thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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