Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
