thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
