All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
