omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
