My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
