I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
