Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
