How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
