should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
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