When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
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