I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
