I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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