at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
