Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
