Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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