apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
