**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Randomize
