My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I seem to have left my pride at pride
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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