Pants 0. Shit 1.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize