you're like a bully in the Christmas story
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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