I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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