Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
