p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
