I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
